Summer Nights #1: 10 Years Later

I've decided I will no longer state that it's been a long time since I last posted. This is due to the fact that it now typically takes me 2 to 3 weeks to post again, so it's sort of a norm at this point. I've been up at camp now for approximately 13 days and they've already been some of the best of the year. Between the nights off, the campfire, the reunions, the new faces, the late nights, and the failed work-out plans...it's been pretty darn fun so far. Tonight I'm sitting in the lodge with my laptop, browsing facebook, and tuning out the unimportant arguments about sports teams that I know nothing about. It's funny, but 10 years ago I would have never expected to be where am at this moment. 10 years ago today I was probably sitting in my bed crying because I was overflowing with a multitude of emotions; excitement, nervous, pumped, scared, maybe a little homesick already too. It turned out to be the summer of my life and I can distinctly remember thinking, "I want to be a ten-year one day." I never thought it could actually happen, I never thought this day would come, but the years flew by and now I'm a senior counselor, driving boats and vans, directing my own activity, and trying to be for these kids what so many counselors were for me; the best role-model and friend a kid could ask for. As a 10 year old boy I looked up to every one who was literally looking down at me. The tall kids were always cooler and an example of how I should act. I wasn't thinking that exactly, but it's important to note that kids truly watch their "superiors" actions and model their own behavior from that. There are cheers and songs and camp things that I know and do because I watched the older kids do them. With that in the back of my head, I try hard to be aware of what I'm doing and saying because the truth is, someone is always watching.

As a fluid transition should be, I will now relate my last night to my next remarks. I struggled in high school, more as a junior and senior with the fact that I felt as if I was always under a microscope. I've learned that high school can do that to you. High school is some of the deepest trenches that you'll fight in. The kids can be semi-evil and judgmental...and actually plain mental too. It's not exactly peer pressure, but it's a type of force that you feel when you walk down the halls and eat lunch in the cafeteria. I guess I exposed myself to this sort of feelings because I was putting myself in front of the school, more often than not. I was constantly in shows and assemblies, but it felt like I was always performing. I had to put on a front, a sort of mask, when I was in school to come off like I was always happy and feeling pleasant. For those who were my close friends in high school, they knew that wasn't true. That mask was wearing me down and eventually led to a minor breakdown in the parking lot at 10PM after a dress rehearsal. I'll be the first to admit that I am a dramatic kid, but this was something else. I was alone in my car crying because for the first time, I felt like I had a moment of reality. I didn't have to pretend or fake or smile or even sit in silence, I just cried. From that point on, I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to let this wear me down anymore. This was the beginning of a long learning process that I'm still in. It was the first time the idea came to me that I didn't have to associate myself with the people who didn't like me. That was the most basic form of it. It's slowly evolved into something slightly deeper, but the concept is the same. So, here it is:

The truth is, and I really believe this, people do not change. They grow, the mature, they learn, and they act based on those things and more, but deep down, they don't change( This does not mean people can't change the way they behave or act.) Over the past three years, I've had some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. There are people who have been through it all with me and have stayed by my side and made sure that I kept my head on straight always. Those people are my friends. There are people who have picked me up and dusted me off and gave me the push I needed to move on from whatever I was stuck in. Those people are my friends. There are people who have given me tough love and kept me thinking about the big picture in times when I was focused on the little stuff. Those people are my friends. Then, there are people who make me feel inferior and victimized, always wrong and never right, small, unimportant, stupid, embarrassing, pointless, dumb, unattractive, rude, mean, evil, boring, bad, one dimensional and what I think, say, or do doesn't matter. Those people are NOT my friends. It's not worth it when there are so many people who make me feel good and happy with who I am and what I do or say. That's not to say people are perfect, but the majority of the time it shouldn't be a "make fun of Matt-fest." I've definitely digressed slightly, but I think that I got my point across. 

Needless to say, the people here, for the most part, are my friends. I am one gosh darn lucky dude to be at a place like this, and to say that I've been here for 10 years. So, the campers arrive in 2 days and then the summer really begins. I'm ready, at least I think am. But, who knows what the summer holds for me, no matter what though, I'm excited for all it. 

All that with a splash of gratitude.

<3 Matt

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I'm Not Waiting (to post anymore)

Once again I'll start by saying, it's been a while. This time it was a long while. Unfortunately I don't have many subscribers and the people who do read this are either busy with finals or probably have forgotten this blog exists, yet I still feel the urge to write again. I feel like giving you a summary of what's been going on in my life the past month or so is somewhat pointless because there's really too much to cover. What I can say is that I have grown, learned, and listened so much more than ever, in the past 30 days or so.

PEOPLE

The human is an interesting thing. I've heard someone say once, "humans are like animals that take things personally." I remember saying something along the lines of, "amen." I guess it's true. Like animals we learn from experience. We don't wake up knowing how to sit or shut up or poop in the proper place or listen or learn (you get the idea.) We learn from the things around us and suddenly they are in us without any effort, sometimes. Often, you don't know why you do a certain thing or feel a certain way, it's just what you do! We have adapted and molded ourselves based on things outside ourselves. The number of people I've encountered personally with in the last 4 weeks is more than you could fit on the largest cruise ship in the world, and it's because I opened myself up. I took a leap of faith and decided to let people into my life and hopefully let me into theirs. The results were staggering. First off I figured out that some things are better unsaid, and some things aren't. Most of the time, people would rather tell you their issues than hear yours, but there are those out there who actually want to listen. I think I am one of those people on occasion, but I am defiantly guilty of hogging what I call "The Pity Light" which is a cross between the spot light and a pity party. So, I am working on that every day, hopefully I'm making some improvement. The other major thing I came to see is that often times we can learn more from those we hate than those we love. I realize I use the word hate sort-of loosely, but someone said to me recently, "find what you don't like about the people you don't like and then take a look in the mirror, I bet you'll learn something." 

LOVE

Love is probably the most powerful beast out there. After one of my exams, my teacher said to me, "keep doing what you love, and spread and carry the love around with you every day, we all need it." It hit me that I was doing what I love. I was at school for something that I truly loved to do. I had thought about it, maybe ever and I suddenly awoke to the fact that I had spent all year doing something and dedicating myself to something that I love. That's one type; love for something we do. I recently was asked by someone, "Do you love me? Like really love me?" I wasn't sure how to respond. I guess I had once again thrown the word around loosely and hadn't thought about what it really meant. I ended up seeing that I loved this person, but I wasn't in love. I think there is fine line between the two; to love someone means to really care about them on a level deeper than friendship, to be in love with someone...I haven't figured it out yet. I'll get there, and I can't wait to see whose there with me. Which sort of ties into this next one.

WAITING

A word that many theatre majors have become familiar with. But I'm talking about the other kind, the kind that eats away at your insides and makes you wish for things that we don't have. I looked back on my year and saw in some ways, someone who was taking control of the things that he wanted to do and got stuff done when he needed to get it done, and in some ways I saw someone who was waiting for #1: things to happen to him, #2: things to come to him, #3: things that were gonna take him away. What was I waiting for? I don't regret anything, I try not to, so I don't regret the things I have and haven't done this year, but now I see why I got frustrated sometimes. I was waiting for things that either weren't coming or weren't going to come unless I started the ball rolling or furthermore took matters into my own hands. I think this is something that a lot of us do without realizing it. I sang a song called "I'm not waiting" in my spring voice recital, and that's what got this whole idea in my head.

I have a lot more things to talk about like movies, and home and such so I could go on forever and I'm sure I'll be posting some more stuff soon but I thought I'd share this idea with you. My Dad began sending me ideas and quotes that someone sent to him or he came across online or read in a book or whatever, and I told to keep doing it! They are all really good, but some have stuck with me and this is one. It's an idea that I have been embracing and trying to think about more lately. It's simple but important:

Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.

How someone treats you is their Karma, how you respond is yours.

all this with a splash of gratitude,

Matt

I'd also like to add a special note here for one of the most amazing people I've ever met: Gavin. 

You are so strong and so loved and never forget that. Though these past weeks have been hard for you, just know that there are so many people out there who are beyond grateful for having you in their life. Me being one. All my love to you and your family <3

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Happiness

Whilst stumbling the internet I came across some quotes and pictures that I fell in love with. At first I was unsure where to post them or whatever, but I have realized that I don't need to make yet ANOTHER website for these things I find, that's what my blog is for! So I have a feeling that not only will be blogging about my life, but I'll also be posting stuff, like this here too! This quote in particular is pretty much what my whole theory is. Gratitude for what we have.

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Spring Cleaning, Spring Cleansing

As the quote goes, "Today is today, the sun is shining, the tank is clean...(GASP) THE TANK IS CLEAN!" You heard right, the sun is in fact shining and suddenly the weather has started to resemble that of Spring. With this past weekend sitting at around 62 as an average, it was prime time to get out and see the city. Not to mention, the "tank is clean" too! As you probably have noticed I've changed the name and URL of my blog to: A Splash Of Gratitude. All of my old posts are still here, so it's essentially the same thing. So, in changing my blog header and name, I cleaned my room as well. I folded all my laundry, hung up all the hangable articles, and reorganized some things so that the sun could shine in my area a little bit more. When I woke up yesterday morning, I had no clue what was in store. My friend Tia and I decided that we would take the mile and a half walk to the boston commons. The commons are this GIANT green area in the center of the city that consist of paths, ponds, kids, trees, sort of like a more open version of central park. On our hike, we discovered what may have been the cutest thing I have ever seen. 

• Little boy in little gray sweatshirt just walking along in between his parents: cute points - 1. 
• The parents are these totally trendy sort of artsy people, down to earth looking: cute points -2
• We overhear a game of "I Spy": cute points - 3
• The little boy says "I spy something pretty." Mommy says, "Is it Daddy?" "Noooo" he replies, "Is it Cooper" (which we assumed was his name) "Nooooo" he says again. Then Daddy says, "It is mommy?" and the little boy says, "YES!!!": cute points: 2 trillion

That innocence is so infectious and can literally change the course of your day. There are times when I miss having that sort of playful loving mind, and I wish I could go back there, but I realize that I had that, and sometimes we all still do. It just means we have to cherish those innocent moments we have more. The other day I was telling another friend of mine that I missed Orientation week so much. We all loved each other, it was all ahead of us, and we had no clue what was coming. I guess looking back I think I appreciate it more than I miss it. Now we've all already grown and learned so much that I would never REALLY want to go back to that. But, I can look back and say, that was amazing and I loved every second. That's a splash of gratitude if you ask me. I will say, I didn't want to turn back once we had reached to commons. I had never really been there, I had seen it a bunch of times, but never sat down or walked around and explored, and boy was I missing out. With the sun and the music from the people playing in the park, the birds (except the pigeons), the sky, the air, the trees, the water, the grass, EVERYTHING was beautiful and we just sat and soaked it all in. After sitting, then walking for a bit, we decided to take a trip down a street neither of us had been before, Commonwealth Ave. It's lined with trees down the center, and the brownstones on either side or more than magnificent. We eventually turned towards the river and went to a favorite spot of ours known as "The Docks". It's not REALLY a dock, its more like a wood platform built out from the land that we all lay on and sit and just relax and take in the sun. And that's exactly what we did. Tia and I actually fell asleep for about 40 minutes listening to Jason Mraz in the sun. We awoke with the realization that the breeze was picking up, we proceeded back to the dorms and rested until the evening was upon us. 

We headed over, with Gavin, another close friend, to a favorite dining spot: Cafeteria. Not THE cafeteria, that's the name of the restaurant. Dinner was lovely, and we laughed our butts off, and then Tia went on her way to Harvard with some girls to meet straight boys, and Gavin and I, along with another friend, Amos, went to this place that Gavin had been DYING to take me to. He calls it "The Spot" and that's pretty much what it is. We got off the train at a random stop that he knew, and as we traveled up the escalator back to ground level, we saw a skyline emerging. It was the boston skyline, clear as a crystal. The sky was empty you could see every window in Boston. I sat back and realized where I was, where I had been all day. I was in space. I as close to the stars as I could get. I was living and breathing, and I was so beyond grateful. Nothing else mattered at that moment. 

None of the petty drama, the exhaustion from the school year, the homesickness, the judgements, the people, none of it mattered. I was standing in the middle of space. Gavin made a good point in saying that it was nothing even compared to the Chicago skyline, but I told him that it was more about stepping outside and looking in. The three of us realized that we had been living in that cluster of lights and buildings, and we had never really gotten the chance to see it from the outside. And that was it, I knew that I was in "No Man's Land." I had finally reached it. If you read my last blog, I wrote about it, so go catch up. But I have to say that at the moment I took a deep breath in a felt so free. There was so much I didn't know, and so much I was going to know, and even more that I wasn't going to know and it was all ok. We were just standing and looking, sort of at ourselves. I knew then that I needed to change the title of my blog, and start explaining that even though there are so many things that suck, and it's unrealistic to forget about them all, there is always SOMETHING to be grateful for. Big or small. When we got home, we just relaxed for a few hours and then headed to bed. 

Today was a different story. This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm that read; SGA Aquarium. I replied loudly "OH S*$&" Today I was taking a trip the aquarium (for free) with the Student Government Association I was a part of. I hopped up, got in the shower, ran to Starbucks for a muffin and tea, and then met everyone in the student center. By some lucky chance, not everyone showed up so we were able to have lunch for free at the Aquarium. I don't really want to say anything cheesy about the fish, so I'll refrain. But, I will say that it was cool to be there and be able to cross that off my list of things to do in Boston. 

After we had walked around the entire Aquarium and admired the penguins with childlike innocence, we decided we would walk back to school because it was so nice outside. The walk from the Aquarium is about 40 minutes and is 2.25 miles. I should mention that at this point it was four of us, just wanted to make sure you didn't think it was like 15 people, there were only four now. So as we began our trek, Elyse mentioned that she had never been to the north end, we saw I sign with an arrow and decided to go for it, we had no where to be in a rush. We walked a little bit out of the way to Mikes Pastries, a Boston staple. We didn't end up buying anything but Elyse was excited that she got the chance to see it. 

We started walking back towards the school, and we ended up stopping at 2 old graveyards that seemed to have some tourist appeal and realized we were visiting the graves of some of the most important people in American history. Such as, John Hancock, Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and John Winthrop. We knew that we would have never even had the chance to see these, if we hadn't decided to walk. So we kept on our way and passed the commons on our path and noticed music and tents that were in the center court of the commons. We ventured in and realized that it was greek festival, WHICH was fully equipped with parade! Of course we stopped and watched the parade for a bit before continuing on and discovering a game of quiddich that was taking place. This is not a joke. There were 2 teams of college kids playing full fledged quiddich with brooms and all. At the utter shock we stopped and watched a little before continuing back to the school where I proceeded to clean like I explained before. Reflecting on the day, it's crazy to think that all of these major bostonian things were all so close and I had never even taken the time to go out and explore. 

This weekend was a definite cleansing for me, I was able to step outside of my environment and then immerse myself in the deep culture more than ever. There are a lot of things that suck, and are downers, and can turn your day for the worst, and to say that being grateful makes all that go away is crazy. But, I do know that every once in a while I need a reminder of how lucky I am, and really how lucky we all are that we're breathing and living and loving. This weekend was probably one of, if not THE, best weekend i've had in boston yet. Not too bad for 48 hours.

all that with a splash of gratitude,

Matt

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No Man's Land

Before anything else, I need to apologize for my long absence the past few weeks. But, I'm back by popular demand, and I have a lot to say. To be honest, I have been struggling the past few weeks with a few things that have been going on in my life and on my mind lately. I'm not sure where to start. The first thing I'll say is that, above all, I am happy. 

"I wrote a song for the geese"

I am content. I have realized, more than ever, that I'm in the right place. There is this sort of indescribable energy surrounding this school and this city that is irreplaceable. In addition, I have recently become close with a few kids who have become my main support system. These kids understand me, they get me, they are caring, and more than anything they are open; which is what I really wanted to write about. I have been searching for this openness, this feeling of ultimate vulnerability that gives me the chance to just let everything in. Everything good, bad, ugly, gorgeous, inspiring, upsetting, every single thing. This has been the main source of my "stress" because I have been working to really find that place, but it's ultimately some place inside of me. So, what does all of this really mean. It means that lately I've felt closed off, and second I've noticed how closed off people have been. I made it my goal to just open up. In acting class, I was in a scene last week and we played with this idea of standing in "no man's land." Which, in laymen's terms is like standing in an area of the stage or scene where there is nothing around you, physically. But I was more interested in the mental trip to no man's land. I started by thinking about what takes an actor OUT of this scary "no man's land" and realized that it's furniture. It's things, physical touchable things that we are sort of magnetized to. Mentally, I believe, the equivalent is stable things. Things we KNOW that we KNOW. I've talked about it before, but it's that need for stability in our lives. So, my task was to journey away from the stable and see if I could open up, and ultimately, what would happen if I did. I can't say that there has been like specific moments that I've opened up myself or whatever, but I have taken certain things in. This journey sort of began when I, on a whim, decided to take a trip to NYC with some friends for my birthday. Literally, this was a last minute thing. Normally, I would have said "no way jose" because we really didn't have a plan. All I knew was that I was going to see 2 shows, and that we'd have to student rush both (most likely). The bus for NY left at 6 and we were at the bus gate by 550 - sort of a close call. On the four hour bus ride, I decided it would be a good idea to watch a movie on Netflix on my phone. Wrong. My phone battery was at about 20% when we reached the city. So I realized that my day would most likely be phone free, and that's when everything sort of started. 

"New York is NUTS"

The only stable thing I had was my wallet and my head, other than that, I had no phone, no clue where I was, what I was seeing, or what would happen next. This proved to be quite the challenge for me, the control freak. But, I knew that it would be the precise opportunity to take in my surroundings. I realized, more than anything that day, that New York is NUTS. We spent most of our day between 40th and 50th and times square and such, which, if you don't know, is crazy! I was overwhelmed by the amount of people and the hustle and bustle of the city. And though it was insane and I felt as if the world was crashing down at moments, I still had made a realization; that truthfully, I wasn't cut out for this "go by the seat of your pants" thing and that the hustle and bustle, as much as I wanted it to be, wasn't really my thing. Like I said, I knew that the things I was taking in didn't have to be beautiful or amazing, I just had to take in what I was taking in without restructure or judgement. So, when the trip was finally over and I returned to my humble abode this is Boston, I realized how much I love this city. Aside from the snow, and the cold, and the rain, this city is so me. It's quiet and yet has this energy that is indescribable. This past weekend I had the chance to take in the city and the stuff around me for real. The sun was shining and the sky was blue and I sat outside with friends for two days and just played guitar, and made music. In fact, I even wrote a song about Geese. Funny story, but I was sitting at this pond right near our school and some geese swam right up to the edge where I was playing. When I stopped, they swam away, and so I started playing again, and as crazy as it sounds that sat and listened. So, I wrote a song for them, and who knows if I'll ever share it with the world, but it was fun while it lasted. So aside from the funny and prettiness of this city, I noticed some other things that sort of threw me off. First of all, I get very overwhelmed by people...quite easily. I don't like small talk or dilly dallying. I guess I consider myself to be straight forward and to the point. So, when we were in a heated discussion in my liberal arts class last week, I wasn't afraid to state my opinion, which was different from some of the people in the class. The subject matter is sort of unimportant, but the point is that I was looking at things from a much more personal and "glass half full" perspective. I guess I sort of think it's a waste of time to be negative about the things around you, especially the things you can control. You have to be grateful for what you have, and what you don't have, and just live every second as best you can. I know this is a lot easier said than done, but I truly believe that it takes more effort to sit and judge the things around you, whether saying that someone is rude and being mean, or saying something sucks and you hate it, I just sort of think it's easier and more beneficial to just say, that sucked....now what's next. Life truly is a roller coaster and there's no point in focusing on the downs because eventually it's bound to go back up, so look forward to that. Now I'm not saying make lemonade out of lemons, I'm saying just look at the lemons and realize what they are, and look forward to the lemonade you'll get later. You can't control most things around you, but you can control how you perceive them. Just see it and know it's there, you don't have to love it or hate it. This probably sounds repetitive, or that I'm just crazy, but I truly believe that there are so many things people miss because they are so closed off from the things and life around them. 

"Be greatful for what you have"

And so, I will continue on my journey to openness and will continue to see everything as it is. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but so is ugliness. I'm doing my best to stay in this "no man's land" and we'll see where it takes me. I sort of think this "no man's land" is true freedom. It's being free from the things that restrict you and hold you back. So, I guess you could say I am free. I've learned more from being in this place of freedom than I have almost any other place in my life. So as I continue to love, laugh, cry, stress, sigh, live, be, hear and see the world around me, I hope you can do the same. Thanks for everything you have taught me, and will teach me. I look forward to our future, whatever it may be.

-Matt

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Any Given Sunday

Good morning from the sunny...cold....warm...mild...I have no clue what to call this weather, Boston. Today is Sunday, March 13th and I currently sitting at my desk, having just returned from a lovely brunch with two of my friends Tia and Alexis. This past week has been quite eventful, I think.  For those of you who don't know I am a part of the student government here at the boco, and I recently found out that part of my job is to be sort of second in command for Prom. Yes, we have BoCo Prom every year, and this year our theme is "BoCo's Bourbon Street Ball" (it's like mardi gras). So, I am currently hard at work on posters and booking things for that whole magilla. On Tuesday, I had the chance to go over to the hotel to look at the space and begin discussing details. I am very excited to be a part of something like this, and follow in my mother's footsteps! I'll keep you updated on things with that as I find out more. Later in the week I had the chance to go see a production of Cabaret in our black box theatre, directed by one of the seniors here. The show was, to say the least, brilliant. I cried my eyes out, and it reminded how big of a privilege it is to be at this school with such talented people. Then came pretty much my favorite part of the week, Friday. Not only was I excited for the week to be over, but I had scheduled a meeting with a client for a poster she needed. This student is producing a musical version of the award winning novel, The Lovely Bones. This project should be really exciting and inspired me to start what I'm calling my design blog. You can check it out at: www.mattsbackupplan.blogspot.com. So, I titled it, Matt's Back-Up Plan because well, god forbid I'm not a broadway star, I have something to fall back on! So I've almost all of the work I've done, and I'll get to writing about all of them soon, but for now you can see some of the things I've been working on! This sort of leads in to what I will call me deeper portion this week.
Being at a conservatory, a lot of people think that you are really limited to what you can do, in terms of like personal preference or freedom or whatever. What's important to note is that, yes, we do have a very strict curriculum and our classes are sort of mapped out for us, which can either be seen as a positive or negative, but beyond that there's a lot of freedom in what you do with the rest of your time. Classes go from about 9 to 5 or 6 depending, and after that, unless you're in rehearsal, the time is yours. As soon as I arrived at school, I knew that I needed to get myself out there, if I wanted to have a "well-rounded" college experience where I was learning as much as I possibly could. So, I started by finding a job that I thought could teach me things I couldn't learn in a class at school. Now, I work about 5 hours a week as a techie for the mainstage theater, and as a result, by the end of this year, I'll be able to add two shows I programed lights for, and one I designed lights for to my resume. Beyond that, I became extremely interested in really putting my design skills to the test. I began designing things for the student government here, which led to getting a position on the executive board, and consequently, a student and faculty board. With that, I volunteered to start doing posters and advertisements for shows and clubs. Now, I am getting paid to design posters, which is something I love to do. The point of all this is, school and I guess life in general is what you make of it. You are the controller of your own destiny. Each and every person has something special about them, but if you just go about your daily life playing by the rules and going through the motions, you won't learn nearly as much as the people who are going above and beyond to make an impact. Life is too short to just take things as they come, if you want something, you have to go out and get it. Additionally, you have to work for it. There a catch though. You can't take all this and then step on everyone else to get what you want, and you can't make it obvious that you're working harder than everyone else. What's more admirable is to feed off the people around you. Live in the moment and take what you are getting from the things you see and hear and feel. This sort of ties in with going with the flow, something I work on every day. Naturally, I am control freak and a person who likes to know everything that's going on, I made it a goal for myself to just sit back and enjoy the ride, all the while working for the things that I want. I have goals and wants and needs like everybody else, but you have to be able to see the importance of each one and measure if it's worth going for or even fighting for. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's simply not. I realize, once again, I have ranted for a while, so I'm sorry for taking up your time, but thanks for reading nonetheless. 
7 days from now I'll be home with my family getting ready to start a week at home which will surely include Go Roma, sleepovers, Once Upon, the rink, TV, steak, McDonalds with Joey, and plenty of other things that I can't even begin to imagine. Which is sort of the beauty of it. Why worry about what's coming when today's not even over (I'll say it a million times if I have to.) For those of you who have been reading my blog since the beginning, I just want to say thank you for everything. It means more to mean than you could ever know. Stay cool peeps. Talk to you soon!


Much Love,
Matt


P.S. IT"S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

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Tonight, Tonight

Today was, for those of you who don't know, the opening and closing day of the show that I was a part of this semester. I've talked about it a few times here, but essentially it's a cabaret consisting of numbers that are miscast. So, songs were gender bended (is that a word?), rearranged, all sorts of fun and fierce stuff. We had two official shows this evening, in fact I just returned from one of them! The two shows went over really well and we raised over $500 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, which is really exciting. I was so honored to be a part of such an amazing group of people who are not only talented, but caring and loving people. It was a blast to put together, and even more fun to perform. I'm sure I'll be posting videos of the show on here soon! As of right this moment, I am writing this blog while getting dressed and taking a breath before our cast party, which should prove to be quite epic. Though, my voice is pretty much shot after belting everything this past week. Luckily, there's nothing big coming up and my voice is not shot for good so it should take a day to recover. Other than that, I just need to give a shout out to everyone in the cast and production team...so there it is.


As for the deeper part of this blog post, I had the opportunity last week to take a trip to the hospital with a friend who was having some issues. Luckily, everything is ok now, but this whole experience got me thinking. Beyond that, this week has been crazy stressful and there are things that I almost committed to doing that I shouldn't have even thought about. What I'm getting at is that sometimes as people we have to step back and admit that we, ourselves, are not the best choice or option to handle a situation. Human nature often overrules this common sense and makes our minds believe that we can be a hero in that moment. What truly is a hero? A hero is sometimes someone dressed in a silly costume flying around killing cartoon monsters, it's sometimes a person who wins against all odds and shows extreme amounts of courage and bravery, and sometimes its person who is able to "save the day" even if they're not the one to actually physically do it. The pat on the head is an amazing feeling no doubt, but it feels better inside to see someone happy, someone better, something solved and problems ceased, especially when you know that you enabled it to happen. Though, we can't confuse the word enable for something it's not. Enabling is sort of connected to this whole thing in that we often times feel the need to be the hero for someone else's problems. Thus, people begin to rely on others for almost everything, instead of being able to solve problems themselves. This act of enabling is something we often don't recognize until after the fact. And that's a great time to do it because then it's possible to learn from the things you've done. Keyword - YOU've done. You are in more control than you think you are, and you are the only person who can make decisions for you. There is only ONE constant in your life, and that is you. As hard of an idea is that is to grasp, it's important nonetheless. I talked about in the last post, but to expand, as people we can only rely on one person to be there the rest of our lives and that's ourselves. So, with that, don't rely on others to solve your problems. Take some initiative and try to do it yourself, but also, be able to realize when you need help from someone who knows what to do, not a friend who will do what you want. This sounds really hard, and somewhat complicated, and unfortunately it is, but it all happens in a matter of moments. It's a decision you make on the fly. So, keep it in the back of your mind. (Did that rhyme)


Sorry for digressing a bit, but now I'm off to party hardy with the cast and team of miscast. I am nervous, yet excited to see what the night holds.


All my love,

Matt

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