Turning A New Leaf

Today marks the last day of summer freedom before the first day of school. I can't believe it's been a year since I started classes here at the conservatory. It's actually sort of surreal. Today I had the chance to sail once again on a Boston Harbor Cruise along with 100 other BoCo students. Last year, most of the guests were from my class and we had the time of our lives. We took over 600 pictures and it was an amazing way to end orientation weeks before starting school the next day. This time around, it was mostly 2015 kids that were on the boat and it was really nice to be able to bond with them and start to develop relationships with what's truly 1/4 of the program I'm in. I've even become pretty good friends with a few of them in the past week. It's nice to have some fresh faces around here. I'm excited to see what the rest of the year holds.

On another note, for those of you who don't know, I lost my uncle last monday after he had a 4 year battle with cancer. Jon was one of the strongest men I knew. He fought so hard and never gave up. Although I didn't have the chance to go to Arizona for his memorial, I recorded 2 songs that were both played at the ceremony. One was a John Lennon song, Imagine, because my uncle was a HUGE Beatles fan, and the second was Home by MIchael Buble. When I decided I wanted to play guitar 7 or 8 years ago, he was one of the first people I told, and in fact, he bought me my first guitar. A few years later, I finally felt confident enough to play for him and I played him that song. He was quite moved by it, and to be honest I was too (because he was.) It felt only right playing it for him again. My family has been so strong this past week and the support they have received from family and friends means more than any words could describe. Personally, I've had a few rough nights but I know that Jon would want me to be strong and carry on with what I love to do. Last year, I went and visited Jon for a few days over my winter break. It was a life changing experience. We talked about the future and the past, and I told him that I wanted to a part of him with me always. I proposed that my stage name be Matthew Jon, or Matt Jonathan, but he insisted that I use his middle name. So, Matthew Ross was born and that's what it's going to be. To say that I miss him would be an understatement, but I know that he is in a better place and out of pain which is comforting. He is, and always will be, a huge part of who I am. There are not too many people that I look up to like that and I know that he'll be watching over me for the rest of my life. Miss you Junky.

Other than that, the past week has been CRAZY busy. With SGA stuff coming up fast, preparations are underway and in a matter of 3 days, 2 major events have already happened. The block party and this cruise. I'm really excited and feel quite lucky to be a part of student government here at school and I take my job seriously. I'm looking forward to the experiences that it will bring. 

Even though I've seen 3 natural disasters in the past 3 weeks, an earthquake, a hurricane and a fire, I am hoping that the school year will have a different fate. Sophomore year is one of the hardest and it takes strength and patience and perseverance to get through it all. I'm ready, at least I think I am!

All that with a splash of gratitude,

Matt

Read more...

More Than A Splash

Wow. It's been forever since I posted. I sincerely apologize for that, but now that I'm back in Boston and back to the craziness that is BoCo, I back on Blogger too! There's way to much I could say and tell you about the summer so I'll keep it short and simple. My 10th summer at camp was nothing short of incredible. I learned so much about myself, my friends, kids and just life. I met amazing people and did my best to make an impact on every camper I got the chance to spend time with. The summer flew by way too fast and I was sort of shell shocked when I arrived here in Boston on Friday. 

I was excited and nervous and anxious, and mostly because I was moving into my own apartment for the first time. I wish I had taken some before and after shots because the work that my brother, mom and dad did is stunning. The studio is warm and feels like home. They really transformed the place and that's why I titled this post, More Than A Splash. The gratitude I have for my family is endless. There are really no words that could express how thankful I am to have them in my life. They've been nothing but supportive and helpful throughout my whole life, and lately I've realized how truly lucky I am.

Beyond that, I want to express my gratitude for the camp people (which I already sort of wrote about.) Camp has become a home for me. There is a certain vibe and energy that surrounds that place and it is irreplaceable. I tried as hard as I could to bring bits of camp into my apartment so that I feel at home always. I brought my 10 year plaque, I bought a candle that smelled like camp, and I'm purchasing a HUGE mural that's going to go on my wall either of a Lake Towanda sunset or just a lake sunset that reminds me of camp. With social media and cell phones, it's become so much easier to communicate in the off season with friends. I was talking with my mom about it the other day, but I really feel like that made a difference for me this summer. Of course when you go back it's like we never left, but being able to talk to people from camp, more than ever before, this past year made it so much easier to just REALLY start where we left off. I want to mention a few names (probably a lot of names) of people that had a HUGE impact on my summer. I decided I'm not going to list campers, but I will say that this summer I became closer with kids than I ever have and it was the thick icing and sprinkles and cherry on top of a giant cake that was this summer. So here goes (in NO particular order); Josh, Max, Brian, Ryan, Colby, David, Joey, Jeremy, Jovan, Jacob, Kaplan, Melrose, Breen, Breen, Mike, Rick, Leslie, Emily, Aaron, Scott W., SJ, Jordy, Matt, Scott M., Dusty...and I'm probably missing a bunch of people. Nonetheless, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. You really have taught me more than you know and I look up to each and every one of you. 

With that, I'll bid you farewell as I embark on what should be the second part of the journey of a lifetime. BoCo is crazy and fun and stressful and educational and million other things. But now, it's home and I'm ready to get started again. I hope that everyone has a great start to the new year (which really isn't the "new year" but you get the idea) and I'll be sure to post once a week from now on. 

All that with (More Than) a splash of gratitude,

Matt

P.S. The pictures are from various points throughout the summer 

Read more...

Summer Night #2: Trees and Stuff

So it's been over a month since I last posted, and I feel like time has gone by faster than ever before. These past four weeks have changed my perspective on time in general. The truth is, four weeks moves faster than you think, especially when almost every day is action packed. Thus, I don't know how I could possibly fit everything in one post. What I can promise is that I will post more often this session, seeing that I'm not as busy. Outside of camp life, I had the chance to visit some friends at their lake house and spend the day and night there. The last time I visited was 2 summers ago and this day was even better than that one. Hanging out with family friends is possibly one of the nicest days off anyone could have. It gave me that chance to recoup and energize after a crazy first week. Fourth of July came and went faster than you could say FIREWORK, which in fact the kids did sing at the spot we watch the Minoqua fireworks. That night also marked a large event in my life, the first time I ever drove a camp van.
 I had waited 10 years to get behind the wheel of one of those white mammoths of a vehicle and finally I had the chance, on one of the craziest traffic nights in town. Needless to say, it went well and I've driven the vans a few times since then. In camp, things got crazy! I am happy to announce that my activity, ComedySportz has really been up and booming. After two overflowing periods of kids, it can be hard to find games for these kids to play. On a "deeper" note, I think it's hard to keep things fresh in general, especially when things can get sort of monotonous. Speaking of things being repetitive, last year I was lucky enough to be an advisor for a U.N. day team. On U.N. day, the camp is divided into four different countries, each with it's own advisor. I was the country of Wales, and after a close call, we won! So, this summer I had the chance to go for the repeat, which hadn't happened for decades here at camp. We changed that. Wales in fact repeated, by only 2 points, but that just means we'll have to come back and try for the threepeat next year. Visitors weekend came and went and I had a lovely time with my parents. This is their eighth time making the trip up to the Northwoods, and they seem to love it every time. It really is something special when my brother and I are able to share what we love about camp with them for a weekend. But before long, they left and the a whole new group of kids was arriving. Since then, second session has been off and running faster than first and the end of summer is approaching. Soon enough I'll be back in Boston getting ready for auditions and decorating my apartment. 
For the deeper part of my blog this week, I had a hard time thinking of what to write about. Last night, at campfire, one of the CITs talked about pushing your limits and boundaries, and it got me thinking. What have I done this summer that has helped me grow and learn something new. Off the top of my head I couldn't think of anything but when I really sat down and looked at this summer I realized that I had done more than initially thought. What a concept, doing something you don't want to do, or something you don't think you can do, to intentionally learn something or grow in some way. Is that possible? I'm not sure. I think that as people we only grow and mature from situations and incidents when we look back on them and make a realization. Often times, we don't even make that realization and we still grow. I guess it's sort of connected to the idea that everything happens for a reason. Everything we do in life, we learn from. Thus, everything, every person, every problem, every good time, every bad time, every moment is in our lives to teach us a lesson, whether we know it or not. That's why I truly try not to live with regrets. Regret, for me, means I learned nothing from a situation, and that's pretty much pointless. So as my summer continues up here in the Northwoods amongst the trees, I will be like a tree and grow as much as I can. I encourage you to do the same. 
I apologize if this hasn't been my most extensive post or the most intellectual but I've been around 15 year olds for like 7 weeks now so you can't blame me. Either way, I hope you're having an incredible summer and I'll do my best to post again next week, hopefully with something a little bit better. 


All that with a splash of gratitude,
Matt

Read more...

Summer Nights #1: 10 Years Later

I've decided I will no longer state that it's been a long time since I last posted. This is due to the fact that it now typically takes me 2 to 3 weeks to post again, so it's sort of a norm at this point. I've been up at camp now for approximately 13 days and they've already been some of the best of the year. Between the nights off, the campfire, the reunions, the new faces, the late nights, and the failed work-out plans...it's been pretty darn fun so far. Tonight I'm sitting in the lodge with my laptop, browsing facebook, and tuning out the unimportant arguments about sports teams that I know nothing about. It's funny, but 10 years ago I would have never expected to be where am at this moment. 10 years ago today I was probably sitting in my bed crying because I was overflowing with a multitude of emotions; excitement, nervous, pumped, scared, maybe a little homesick already too. It turned out to be the summer of my life and I can distinctly remember thinking, "I want to be a ten-year one day." I never thought it could actually happen, I never thought this day would come, but the years flew by and now I'm a senior counselor, driving boats and vans, directing my own activity, and trying to be for these kids what so many counselors were for me; the best role-model and friend a kid could ask for. As a 10 year old boy I looked up to every one who was literally looking down at me. The tall kids were always cooler and an example of how I should act. I wasn't thinking that exactly, but it's important to note that kids truly watch their "superiors" actions and model their own behavior from that. There are cheers and songs and camp things that I know and do because I watched the older kids do them. With that in the back of my head, I try hard to be aware of what I'm doing and saying because the truth is, someone is always watching.

As a fluid transition should be, I will now relate my last night to my next remarks. I struggled in high school, more as a junior and senior with the fact that I felt as if I was always under a microscope. I've learned that high school can do that to you. High school is some of the deepest trenches that you'll fight in. The kids can be semi-evil and judgmental...and actually plain mental too. It's not exactly peer pressure, but it's a type of force that you feel when you walk down the halls and eat lunch in the cafeteria. I guess I exposed myself to this sort of feelings because I was putting myself in front of the school, more often than not. I was constantly in shows and assemblies, but it felt like I was always performing. I had to put on a front, a sort of mask, when I was in school to come off like I was always happy and feeling pleasant. For those who were my close friends in high school, they knew that wasn't true. That mask was wearing me down and eventually led to a minor breakdown in the parking lot at 10PM after a dress rehearsal. I'll be the first to admit that I am a dramatic kid, but this was something else. I was alone in my car crying because for the first time, I felt like I had a moment of reality. I didn't have to pretend or fake or smile or even sit in silence, I just cried. From that point on, I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to let this wear me down anymore. This was the beginning of a long learning process that I'm still in. It was the first time the idea came to me that I didn't have to associate myself with the people who didn't like me. That was the most basic form of it. It's slowly evolved into something slightly deeper, but the concept is the same. So, here it is:

The truth is, and I really believe this, people do not change. They grow, the mature, they learn, and they act based on those things and more, but deep down, they don't change( This does not mean people can't change the way they behave or act.) Over the past three years, I've had some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. There are people who have been through it all with me and have stayed by my side and made sure that I kept my head on straight always. Those people are my friends. There are people who have picked me up and dusted me off and gave me the push I needed to move on from whatever I was stuck in. Those people are my friends. There are people who have given me tough love and kept me thinking about the big picture in times when I was focused on the little stuff. Those people are my friends. Then, there are people who make me feel inferior and victimized, always wrong and never right, small, unimportant, stupid, embarrassing, pointless, dumb, unattractive, rude, mean, evil, boring, bad, one dimensional and what I think, say, or do doesn't matter. Those people are NOT my friends. It's not worth it when there are so many people who make me feel good and happy with who I am and what I do or say. That's not to say people are perfect, but the majority of the time it shouldn't be a "make fun of Matt-fest." I've definitely digressed slightly, but I think that I got my point across. 

Needless to say, the people here, for the most part, are my friends. I am one gosh darn lucky dude to be at a place like this, and to say that I've been here for 10 years. So, the campers arrive in 2 days and then the summer really begins. I'm ready, at least I think am. But, who knows what the summer holds for me, no matter what though, I'm excited for all it. 

All that with a splash of gratitude.

<3 Matt

Read more...

I'm Not Waiting (to post anymore)

Once again I'll start by saying, it's been a while. This time it was a long while. Unfortunately I don't have many subscribers and the people who do read this are either busy with finals or probably have forgotten this blog exists, yet I still feel the urge to write again. I feel like giving you a summary of what's been going on in my life the past month or so is somewhat pointless because there's really too much to cover. What I can say is that I have grown, learned, and listened so much more than ever, in the past 30 days or so.

PEOPLE

The human is an interesting thing. I've heard someone say once, "humans are like animals that take things personally." I remember saying something along the lines of, "amen." I guess it's true. Like animals we learn from experience. We don't wake up knowing how to sit or shut up or poop in the proper place or listen or learn (you get the idea.) We learn from the things around us and suddenly they are in us without any effort, sometimes. Often, you don't know why you do a certain thing or feel a certain way, it's just what you do! We have adapted and molded ourselves based on things outside ourselves. The number of people I've encountered personally with in the last 4 weeks is more than you could fit on the largest cruise ship in the world, and it's because I opened myself up. I took a leap of faith and decided to let people into my life and hopefully let me into theirs. The results were staggering. First off I figured out that some things are better unsaid, and some things aren't. Most of the time, people would rather tell you their issues than hear yours, but there are those out there who actually want to listen. I think I am one of those people on occasion, but I am defiantly guilty of hogging what I call "The Pity Light" which is a cross between the spot light and a pity party. So, I am working on that every day, hopefully I'm making some improvement. The other major thing I came to see is that often times we can learn more from those we hate than those we love. I realize I use the word hate sort-of loosely, but someone said to me recently, "find what you don't like about the people you don't like and then take a look in the mirror, I bet you'll learn something." 

LOVE

Love is probably the most powerful beast out there. After one of my exams, my teacher said to me, "keep doing what you love, and spread and carry the love around with you every day, we all need it." It hit me that I was doing what I love. I was at school for something that I truly loved to do. I had thought about it, maybe ever and I suddenly awoke to the fact that I had spent all year doing something and dedicating myself to something that I love. That's one type; love for something we do. I recently was asked by someone, "Do you love me? Like really love me?" I wasn't sure how to respond. I guess I had once again thrown the word around loosely and hadn't thought about what it really meant. I ended up seeing that I loved this person, but I wasn't in love. I think there is fine line between the two; to love someone means to really care about them on a level deeper than friendship, to be in love with someone...I haven't figured it out yet. I'll get there, and I can't wait to see whose there with me. Which sort of ties into this next one.

WAITING

A word that many theatre majors have become familiar with. But I'm talking about the other kind, the kind that eats away at your insides and makes you wish for things that we don't have. I looked back on my year and saw in some ways, someone who was taking control of the things that he wanted to do and got stuff done when he needed to get it done, and in some ways I saw someone who was waiting for #1: things to happen to him, #2: things to come to him, #3: things that were gonna take him away. What was I waiting for? I don't regret anything, I try not to, so I don't regret the things I have and haven't done this year, but now I see why I got frustrated sometimes. I was waiting for things that either weren't coming or weren't going to come unless I started the ball rolling or furthermore took matters into my own hands. I think this is something that a lot of us do without realizing it. I sang a song called "I'm not waiting" in my spring voice recital, and that's what got this whole idea in my head.

I have a lot more things to talk about like movies, and home and such so I could go on forever and I'm sure I'll be posting some more stuff soon but I thought I'd share this idea with you. My Dad began sending me ideas and quotes that someone sent to him or he came across online or read in a book or whatever, and I told to keep doing it! They are all really good, but some have stuck with me and this is one. It's an idea that I have been embracing and trying to think about more lately. It's simple but important:

Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.

How someone treats you is their Karma, how you respond is yours.

all this with a splash of gratitude,

Matt

I'd also like to add a special note here for one of the most amazing people I've ever met: Gavin. 

You are so strong and so loved and never forget that. Though these past weeks have been hard for you, just know that there are so many people out there who are beyond grateful for having you in their life. Me being one. All my love to you and your family <3

Read more...

Happiness

Whilst stumbling the internet I came across some quotes and pictures that I fell in love with. At first I was unsure where to post them or whatever, but I have realized that I don't need to make yet ANOTHER website for these things I find, that's what my blog is for! So I have a feeling that not only will be blogging about my life, but I'll also be posting stuff, like this here too! This quote in particular is pretty much what my whole theory is. Gratitude for what we have.

Read more...

Spring Cleaning, Spring Cleansing

As the quote goes, "Today is today, the sun is shining, the tank is clean...(GASP) THE TANK IS CLEAN!" You heard right, the sun is in fact shining and suddenly the weather has started to resemble that of Spring. With this past weekend sitting at around 62 as an average, it was prime time to get out and see the city. Not to mention, the "tank is clean" too! As you probably have noticed I've changed the name and URL of my blog to: A Splash Of Gratitude. All of my old posts are still here, so it's essentially the same thing. So, in changing my blog header and name, I cleaned my room as well. I folded all my laundry, hung up all the hangable articles, and reorganized some things so that the sun could shine in my area a little bit more. When I woke up yesterday morning, I had no clue what was in store. My friend Tia and I decided that we would take the mile and a half walk to the boston commons. The commons are this GIANT green area in the center of the city that consist of paths, ponds, kids, trees, sort of like a more open version of central park. On our hike, we discovered what may have been the cutest thing I have ever seen. 

• Little boy in little gray sweatshirt just walking along in between his parents: cute points - 1. 
• The parents are these totally trendy sort of artsy people, down to earth looking: cute points -2
• We overhear a game of "I Spy": cute points - 3
• The little boy says "I spy something pretty." Mommy says, "Is it Daddy?" "Noooo" he replies, "Is it Cooper" (which we assumed was his name) "Nooooo" he says again. Then Daddy says, "It is mommy?" and the little boy says, "YES!!!": cute points: 2 trillion

That innocence is so infectious and can literally change the course of your day. There are times when I miss having that sort of playful loving mind, and I wish I could go back there, but I realize that I had that, and sometimes we all still do. It just means we have to cherish those innocent moments we have more. The other day I was telling another friend of mine that I missed Orientation week so much. We all loved each other, it was all ahead of us, and we had no clue what was coming. I guess looking back I think I appreciate it more than I miss it. Now we've all already grown and learned so much that I would never REALLY want to go back to that. But, I can look back and say, that was amazing and I loved every second. That's a splash of gratitude if you ask me. I will say, I didn't want to turn back once we had reached to commons. I had never really been there, I had seen it a bunch of times, but never sat down or walked around and explored, and boy was I missing out. With the sun and the music from the people playing in the park, the birds (except the pigeons), the sky, the air, the trees, the water, the grass, EVERYTHING was beautiful and we just sat and soaked it all in. After sitting, then walking for a bit, we decided to take a trip down a street neither of us had been before, Commonwealth Ave. It's lined with trees down the center, and the brownstones on either side or more than magnificent. We eventually turned towards the river and went to a favorite spot of ours known as "The Docks". It's not REALLY a dock, its more like a wood platform built out from the land that we all lay on and sit and just relax and take in the sun. And that's exactly what we did. Tia and I actually fell asleep for about 40 minutes listening to Jason Mraz in the sun. We awoke with the realization that the breeze was picking up, we proceeded back to the dorms and rested until the evening was upon us. 

We headed over, with Gavin, another close friend, to a favorite dining spot: Cafeteria. Not THE cafeteria, that's the name of the restaurant. Dinner was lovely, and we laughed our butts off, and then Tia went on her way to Harvard with some girls to meet straight boys, and Gavin and I, along with another friend, Amos, went to this place that Gavin had been DYING to take me to. He calls it "The Spot" and that's pretty much what it is. We got off the train at a random stop that he knew, and as we traveled up the escalator back to ground level, we saw a skyline emerging. It was the boston skyline, clear as a crystal. The sky was empty you could see every window in Boston. I sat back and realized where I was, where I had been all day. I was in space. I as close to the stars as I could get. I was living and breathing, and I was so beyond grateful. Nothing else mattered at that moment. 

None of the petty drama, the exhaustion from the school year, the homesickness, the judgements, the people, none of it mattered. I was standing in the middle of space. Gavin made a good point in saying that it was nothing even compared to the Chicago skyline, but I told him that it was more about stepping outside and looking in. The three of us realized that we had been living in that cluster of lights and buildings, and we had never really gotten the chance to see it from the outside. And that was it, I knew that I was in "No Man's Land." I had finally reached it. If you read my last blog, I wrote about it, so go catch up. But I have to say that at the moment I took a deep breath in a felt so free. There was so much I didn't know, and so much I was going to know, and even more that I wasn't going to know and it was all ok. We were just standing and looking, sort of at ourselves. I knew then that I needed to change the title of my blog, and start explaining that even though there are so many things that suck, and it's unrealistic to forget about them all, there is always SOMETHING to be grateful for. Big or small. When we got home, we just relaxed for a few hours and then headed to bed. 

Today was a different story. This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm that read; SGA Aquarium. I replied loudly "OH S*$&" Today I was taking a trip the aquarium (for free) with the Student Government Association I was a part of. I hopped up, got in the shower, ran to Starbucks for a muffin and tea, and then met everyone in the student center. By some lucky chance, not everyone showed up so we were able to have lunch for free at the Aquarium. I don't really want to say anything cheesy about the fish, so I'll refrain. But, I will say that it was cool to be there and be able to cross that off my list of things to do in Boston. 

After we had walked around the entire Aquarium and admired the penguins with childlike innocence, we decided we would walk back to school because it was so nice outside. The walk from the Aquarium is about 40 minutes and is 2.25 miles. I should mention that at this point it was four of us, just wanted to make sure you didn't think it was like 15 people, there were only four now. So as we began our trek, Elyse mentioned that she had never been to the north end, we saw I sign with an arrow and decided to go for it, we had no where to be in a rush. We walked a little bit out of the way to Mikes Pastries, a Boston staple. We didn't end up buying anything but Elyse was excited that she got the chance to see it. 

We started walking back towards the school, and we ended up stopping at 2 old graveyards that seemed to have some tourist appeal and realized we were visiting the graves of some of the most important people in American history. Such as, John Hancock, Sam Adams, Paul Revere, and John Winthrop. We knew that we would have never even had the chance to see these, if we hadn't decided to walk. So we kept on our way and passed the commons on our path and noticed music and tents that were in the center court of the commons. We ventured in and realized that it was greek festival, WHICH was fully equipped with parade! Of course we stopped and watched the parade for a bit before continuing on and discovering a game of quiddich that was taking place. This is not a joke. There were 2 teams of college kids playing full fledged quiddich with brooms and all. At the utter shock we stopped and watched a little before continuing back to the school where I proceeded to clean like I explained before. Reflecting on the day, it's crazy to think that all of these major bostonian things were all so close and I had never even taken the time to go out and explore. 

This weekend was a definite cleansing for me, I was able to step outside of my environment and then immerse myself in the deep culture more than ever. There are a lot of things that suck, and are downers, and can turn your day for the worst, and to say that being grateful makes all that go away is crazy. But, I do know that every once in a while I need a reminder of how lucky I am, and really how lucky we all are that we're breathing and living and loving. This weekend was probably one of, if not THE, best weekend i've had in boston yet. Not too bad for 48 hours.

all that with a splash of gratitude,

Matt

Read more...